I came across an article, “The Art of Endings”, today by psychologist and bestselling author, Dr. Henry Cloud. The following are excerpts from the article:

“In both the personal and professional life, there are times when reality dictates that a person must stand up and ‘end’ something. Either it’s time has passed, it’s season is over, or worse, continuing it would be destructive in some way.”

“But too many times, with clear evidence staring them in the face, people find it difficult to pull the trigger. Why is that?

“The reasons are varied, but understandable, especially in light of developmental psychology, our understanding of trauma, and cognitive mapping. Some people’s developmental path has not equipped them to stand up and let go of something. For example, if they did not develop what psychologists refer to as secure attachment or emotional object constancy, the separation and loss that ending a relationship triggers for them is too much, so they avoid it. In addition, in their development they may not have been taught the skills to confront situations like these.

“Or, if they have had traumatic losses in life, another ending represents a replay of those, and they shy away or frantically try to mend whatever is wrong, way past reason. Or they have internal maps that tell them that ending something is ‘mean’ or will cause someone harm. In any case, fears dominate their functioning, and they find themselves unable to do a ‘necessary ending.'”


I left cultic Mormonism in 1992, a VERY needful personal ending, considering that the LDS Church had, from early childhood to adulthood, systematically abused not only my naïveté and trust, but also my mind and emotional ‘soul’ with its myriad of fear-, guilt- and shame-inducing ‘true’ doctrines and teachings (i.e., religious nonsense). Tragically, it’s done the same with millions of people since 1830. Thankfully, in the past 17 years of the Internet 100’s of 1,000’s people have ended their membership in the patriarchal/abusive Mormon Church and gone on to create healthy and happy lives.

Perhaps more difficult, many individuals have been married to a TBM or had parents, siblings or friends who refused to look at the mountain of facts that prove that Mormonism is a fraud. Pulling away from or ending relationships with psychologically dysfunctional and emotionally immature people (who refuse to grow up) is another important part of life that we should not avoid.

Dr. Cloud’s article is worth reading, IMO.